Mad Decent

I'm officially pissed.  

Yes, I probably could have taken an hour or two to calm down, but I just watched the trailer for the "new" Nightmare on Elm Street.  Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. 

Now, I could just sit here and rip on Michael Bay, but everyone always does that. I'll just accept the fact that until the day he passes away he will continue to take movie classics and remake them into dirty diaper cinema.  His new Nightmare on Elm Street is no exception. The new Nightmare  trailer starts off with a jock in a diner. What? What's that music in the background? Oh, it's the Everly Brothers song "All I have to do is Dream." Wow! That is fucking clever!  How did they think of that...shizz, very, VERY clever.  Then the jock turns a corner and Freddy is there, he wakes up looks at his hand which is apparently covered in chocolate syrup. I would love to actually see a jock by himself hanging at a locally run diner drinking coffee since that is what most High School jocks do now, right? Hang out by themselves, write poetry, drink coffee debate what Miles Davis record is best? Hmm, not bad. The trailer goes on and on and eventually a girl asks "Who are you?" to the person chasing her. This is getting to the point where we know this movie will be unwatchable because Freddy actually speaks. The coolest thing about the original Nighmare is that Freddy hardly ever says a word. This new Freddy sounds like he is a member of the Sopranos. If we are going that route with this movie they might as well of given Freddy some cornrows and an eyebrow ring (and possibly a brand new pair of roller-blades.)  

The trailer continues and some kid starts talking about micronaps, which sound very eXtreme. Then there is the issue of  Freddy's face. It seriously looks like he is suffering from craniodiaphyseal dysplasia, and for those who don't know what that is, Rocky, from the movie Mask (one of the best movies of all time) also suffered from this condition.  Freddy begins to talk like Al Capone again, and of course what would a horror movie nowadays be without some totally "SWEET" computer generated effects!?!?  They take a few cool scenes (or maybe every cool scene) from the entire Nightmare franchise, ruin them mercilessly, and then we come to the end of the trailer as my stomach becomes nauseous. There is but one word to summarize my feelings about all this. Again, UGH.