All right motherfuckers, It’s time that I address an issue which has been weighing heavily on my mind as of late. You know, with all this BP oil spill shit going down, I think now more than ever we as humans got to address this issue and stop fucking ignoring it. This issue I’m talking about is the goddamn environment people. It’s as if no one cares about it. Why in the 21st Century has humanity not come together to eradicate the environment: THE greatest source of global turmoil and terror to date? With the collected efforts of many small actions, humanity can finally be freed from the tyranny of Earth’s volatile environment. You, yes you, you slacked-jawed, slumped back human, you simple buck-toothed creature of god’s mis-shapened design can help to kill the environment. It’s quite simple actually. Here’s a simple starter: Litter. Litter like there is no fucking tomorrow. Litter like this planet is your own personal throne room, which it in fact is (read Genesis, motherfucker, God said this whole planet is humanity’s to name and dominate). Why not put your empty bottle of sody-pop in the paper-only recycling receptacle? Take that in the ass Mother Nature! You thought humanity would just let Hurricane Katrina slide by and we wouldn’t lick shots back in retaliation? ‘Your bad.’ you say Mother Nature? Kee-Ya bitch!
Okay fellow human, another thing you can do to run afoul Mother Nature’s anti-human machinations is to set a tree on fire. Or better yet: take a few cans of WD-40 (or a few ziplock bags filled with your feces) and pour them into the nearest body of water you can find. Try to find a lake that is populated with as many geese as possible just to show Mother Nature that not even her animal minions are safe from humanity’s retribution. Fuck a chipmunk. Every animal is implicit her many crimes that for centuries have been classified as mere acts of ‘chance’. Tsunami’s, earthquakes, mudslides, floods, this supposed global warming which is just some global bullshit! Any scientist that tells you that running your AC all day and night from May to October contributes to this so-called ‘Global Warming’ isn’t a scientist at all, but rather athiestic goat fucking child rapist on LSD! How can a cold-making device make heat that is hot enough to affect the whole planet? Huh? Tell me Bill Nuy, how the fuck does that happen? You know how it happens? It doesn’t happen that’s how! If that was the case then why isn’t there a switch on my AC that I can hit to heat up my apartment come December? Don’t believe the lies of people who’d rather protect a flower before they would protect you, human!
If you are like me and wish to begin the one true Revolution™ that will unite all of humanity under one Cause©, then please join my organization: Concerned Objectors Battling Radical Atmosphere and finally make the difference your guidance counselor told you that you were always destined to make. Let us usher in… the future…
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